About four years ago I had this idea of making a Pokemon themed server on Discord, specifically centered around the Subway Bosses, characters from Gen 5, which one of them was relevant in Legends Arceus. The game was recently out, I played and remember being shocked to see Ingo in the game, one of my favorite characters. So, during the last years (?) of Covid-19 quarantine, I decided to search for strangers to talk about it.

I was just starting college too, studying remotely — people wouldn't risk themselves out there and frankly, I was terrified too. I made a server, put a long time bud as a mod to help and organized it all neatly, then opened the gates with a public invite limited to 10 to 20 people, if I recall.

Folks started joining, one by one they filled the place, and I can say that today a handful of them turned to be my best friends for life. This isn't about the server though, even if it's contextually important.

Simple doodle of my sona struggling to carry a heavy luggage.

Besides drawing, I write stuff. I roleplay in a few small servers with said friends, using original and canon characters just like how people do on Tumblr, but fancier. I've never done it there though, never had one of those ask blogs nor participated in communities; four years ago I had my very first roleplay experience and I really, really enjoyed it.

Curiously I wasn't planning on joining at first, but something inside me whispered "maybe it could be fun. It wouldn't hurt." — not to say I wasn't nervous, since 99% of the people involved were native english speakers — turns out that following that voice was the right call. Since then, I haven't stopped. Sure, it's harder to reply rps with the same speed I used to, though that goes for most of my friends nowadays.

It never stopped us from growing closer anyway.

One of the things I like to think about is how roleplaying improved my creative skills overtime; one of the recurring rules we use is to 'not chastise literacy and formatting liberties' which honestly was very helpful and made me much more comfortable to be myself. Reading how my friends write, researching meanings of the words they use and seeing the interesting ways they format text to bring immersion and emotion was a huge formative aspect for my own writing. It's fun to see just how much you can do with a few short sentences and a dramatic space in-between.

That goes for other styles of writing too. Fanfiction, even novels; sorry that the only example that comes to mind that fit the criteria is House of Leaves and its whack formatting, but you get the idea. We do some whack stuff too. And y'know what, specific formatting along with choice words have gotten me emotional before, so it works.

Scenery focused llustration, depicting my OCs Danna and Virgo sitting on a rooftop, looking up at the midday sky with big clouds around.

Despite being just a fun hobby, we're dedicated. Seriously, it's crazy how far we can go for just casual writing. Drawing plays a good part on this, though not at all mandatory, we have this shared habit of drawing for roleplay during moments where words can't convey a certain emotion or scene. That too helped me improve my art, I'd say even more than my writing; style, technique, creativity, anatomy-wise, basically most if not all fundamentals of drawing, just so I could make my storytelling as accurate and interesting as possible.

Isn't that what art is about, expressing yourself? It's unfortunately normal to want to make something that feels above your current skill level. Roleplaying was and is a push for me to try and go beyond that threshold every time.

Through roleplay I could put my creative juices to test and made so, so many OCs. I didn't have any before, at least not in a way that felt relevant or special, not in ways that made me want to develop them thoroughly, plan stories and branch into alternate timelines, play around — I had the opportunity to insert my old childhood characters into new worlds and settings, rework them and give them purpose.

It nurtured my passion for character design and creation. Now any random topic could turn into a new OC, as silly as it may be. One day I saw a cat with a scar around my neighborhood and thought "damn, that's a tough guy. I bet he's a gang leader" and made a character out of that concept. Why not?

Inspiration comes from where you'd least expect it.

Scene illustration with photobashed background, showing my OC Levi, a strong man wearing a fur cloak and face hidden behind an animal skull helmet, holding a hooked staff. He looks down at the camera, looking intimidating.

Creative aspects aside, roleplay also brought me closer to a bunch of awesome people. Amazing artists and writers, and incredible friends in general. They stuck around through some of my lowest moments, and are always so immensely supportive, kind and patient, even when I fail. Saying that they're my biggest inspirations to move forward is an understatement. Spending time with them, playing games and just chatting about anything have made many of my days better. And to think I'll meet a few of them in person very soon! I'm BEYOND excited!

During the first years roleplaying with these friends I remember being so nervous. What if I my writing wouldn't be up to par, what if I accidentaly crossed their boundaries, what if I said something weird and they'd hate me forever... Luckily they were so overwhelmingly nice from the start. So much that now I feel completely comfortable to be truly myself around these people, to joke around and be playfully mean. One of the best parts is how we bounce ideas off of each other, it comes so naturally and pushes my brain to build even more narratives. It's a win/win.

I know that the fear of meeting expectations will always exist, but we gotta remember that roleplaying isn't a job or a high-stakes activity, and that your rp partner probably doesn't care about your typos or mistakes. I don't think I'd engage in rp with just anyone outside my circle, but at least now I have in mind that it's not as scary as I thought it would be, thanks to my friends.

Scene art of two characters, my OC Calisto and my friend's OC Eiri, their partner, both walking under the ocean, dark with only their helmet lights illuminating the scene. Calisto walks behind her, as they're both surrounded by golden glowing fish.

This all brings me back to how I wouldn't have met them if I didn't have the guts to gather a ton of strangers in a server. For someone who used to be so socially awkward (I still am but less, at least I'd say so) it was an unthinkable thing to do. Maybe it was because of loneliness, because of how Covid messed up hard with my brain and how I needed some sort of outlet, a community to belong to, a distraction.

Funny how roleplaying happened after all that, but it was by far the most remarkable thing in my life to this day. In conclusion: I'm glad I faced my fears. My fears of interacting online and bringing attention to myself. If I hadn't, I wouldn't be where I am today.

Sure, we went through some ups and downs, but I wouldn't have traded this opportunity for anything. If I got a handful of lovely friends and a lot of stories to tell, then that's how I know I've won.

To end this text, here's a post I came across while writing this that is very much true:

Post on Bluesky by the user @primrosepaths that says: roleplay is a collaborative hobby that should prioritize communication and consent. however once you get very close to a writing partner it can actually transform into a masterful bought of psychological warfare and i think thats beautiful.